Genevieve
	Waking	Sleeping	Sign	Repose	Wish
	The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam...

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Musings, malevolence, and a movie
2003-10-17 - 3:19 p.m.

So, I've been thinking lately about comments made shortly after the hurricane. We've all (mainly in the MD NoVA area) nested and quit going out. We've just sort of hunkered down and are now sticking to our little areas. This came into sharp focus with the hurricane and the number of folks who called to check on others. I can count that on one hand. I'm just as guilty, I didn't call folks until after someone had called me and I thought it would be a nice thing to do.

Perhaps I need to remove the rose colored glasses, but dinners in NoVA with those friends and likewise them coming up here used to be a regular occurance. It seemed that once a month we'd do a nice big dinner out with friends, or someone would issue the call of "making dinner, come on over." I can't remember the last time that happened. Then again, I am still equally guilty. When was the last time I invited folks over? We did random gathering in the dark just after the hurricane, we did a BBQ last spring, and there was the b'day party in the summer. Perhaps I'm too social of a creature to go without. Perhaps I got a bit burned by (in my little world) seeming to issue all the invitations and having few issued to me. Saying "You are welcome over anytime" is very different from "Wanna come over for dinner tomorrow?" Heck, even worse is the folks who don't even acknowledge the invite at all, much less bother attending. Do I not give folks an opportunity?

I guess it is more likely that the larger social group is in a bit of a flux, an evolution, lots of change. Little groups are forming, and because of that others are falling by the wayside. Friends who were once close, don't even seem to try anymore. I get tired of saying "I miss you", when we should be saying "Hello!". It isn't easy being in such a large social group, and yet feeling so small and isolated at the same time. I should probably just suck it up and go with the evolutionary flow.

To steal a line from someone else, "for all the folks who say they love me, I carry a cell phone that rarely rings." And yet, I'm terrible at making calls too, so I am just as much to blame. In my family, we only call if something really good or really bad happens. I guess I need to quit waiting on a reason to call and just call.

Now I'm wallowing in self pity and guilt, please ignore.

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So today was the first time I noticed it. I got "The Look" from another random girl in the hallway. The look that comes when you smell something bad. The look from another girl that says "you disgust me." The funny thing is, even from other women, this is hard to interpret. Did the look mean I shouldn't ever wear this outfit again? I personally think I am pretty styling today in my new clothes. Was she irritated at my jingling keys clipped onto my beltloop? Was the look completely unrelated and I am assuming something that had nothing to do with me or my presence? Or did the look mean, damn I wish I could look that good! The look that we give other women we envy. Was that the green-eyed monster? In a way, I kinda hope so, given the other options. I just hope I've never given that look before. I know I'm an evious creature, but I try to be open and honest and let the object of my envy know that it is just me really admiring them.

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Went and saw Kill Bill: Vol. 1 last night with Wendy. Oh boy did we both need to get out of the house. It was very gory, and bloody, and violent, and great! I loved it. Perhaps it's the whole girls kicking butt thing, who knows. Now I just need to take the Alan to see it, since I went without him for the first time. I can't wait for Vol. 2 to come out at the end of Feb.

When I got home, my sweetie pie was asleep in bed with the baseball game on. I watched it until the tie at the end of the 9th inning and then fell quickly asleep. I crashed so hard and fast that I forgot to put the wrist braces on before sleep. Luckily they aren't too bad off this morning.

This weekend is dinner with Jimmy and Sandy, and a Halloween party in Richmond. I hope I look as good in my costume as my mind thinks I will. My mind is cruel at making me think I'm thinner than I am. Likely because I wasn't too bad at 16...

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